What to Tell the Six Year Old You Just Embraced
Upon Embracing a youngster, aside from the physical problems, there are a number of other problems. The individual who wrote this document was faced with the unique problem of explaining the Camarilla, the Jyhad, etc. (all very adult concepts, hmmm? Whatever would we do without them? Don't answer that.) to a very young child. The result is amusing...
First, the six traditions. Memorize these for the test.
- Keep the whole blooducking bit secret.
- The prince is the school principal. Don't anger him. His idea of a dunce cap has a pointed wooden end.
- Ask the Prince and ME before you create any more vampires.
- You need to be introduced to the Prince before you can do anything.
- If you go elsewhere, always show yourself to the Prince.
- Don't kill anybody magical.
Next, Vocabulary.
- The Anarchs - Just keep your head down when they attack. Otherwise, don't bother with 'em.
- Blood Hunt - If one gets called on YOU, RUN, RUN, RUN!
- The Camarilla - A very large camel sale. Buy one hump, get one hump free.
- The Prince - The big cheese, the head honcho, the presidente-for-life. Avoid him.
- The Sabbat - Bogeymen and bullies.
The Clans
- Brujah - Schoolhouse bullies.
- Gangrel - Cool.
- Malkavians - Us. Undoubtedly the coolest clan ever. We rule.
- Nosferatu - They look like monsters. They're more like "cookie" monsters. Give one a cookie.
- Toreador - Adults.
- Tremere - Villains from Disney movies. Darth Vader was a Tremere.
- Ventrue - Adults.
- Followers of Set - See Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- Ravnos - Cool, but never take candy bars from 'em.
- Daughters of Cacophony - Better singers than Barney.
- Samedi - People in desperate need of flowers.
- Lasombra - Monsters from under the bed, from in the dark.
- Tzimisce - Monsters from the late, late, late, late show. Dracula.
Humans
- The FBI, CIA, NSA, DIA, KGB, MI5, DNA, Pentex, Scotland Yard, the Society of Leopold, the Arcanum, and COBRA - Strangers. Don't get in any cars with 'em.
- Werewolves - OK, but a bit too hairy.
- Ghouls - Humans with vamp blood in 'em. Adults nonetheless.
Other "Stuff"
- Frenzy - Don't worry, be happy.
- Death - Stay away from these: Fire, Sunlight, Stakes, Claws, Teeth, etc. Pain is bad. Don't get hurt.
- Disciplines - I know you can "hide", but NEVER play "peekaboo" with mortals.
- Never look into a Tremere's eyes.
- DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL.
All credit is due to Erehwon, where he continues to get a goodly portion of all his Malkavian content.
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