| First Level | Second Level | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chin of Destruction (Alteration)
Range: 0 Components, V, S Duration: 1 round/level Casting time: 1 Area of Effect: Caster's Chin After casting the spell, one of the caster's chin's increases to the size of a large boulder. It can be used to crush and pummel enemies and block weapons. When the wizard attacks, act as if the chin had 18/00 strength. While the Spell is in effect, the Wizard cannot cast spells requiring verbal components, due to the fact that he can no longer talk. Anderfostenhousen's Flaming Nostril (Alteration/Evocation) Range: 10 feet/level Components, V, S, M Duration: Instantaneous Casting time: 1 Area of Effect: Caster's Nose This spell created a huge flare of flame to billow out of the caster's nose. This causes damage of 1D4/Level of caster. It also sets fire to any objects in the area and the casters' nose. The components for this spell are a pinch of dust and a nose hair of a red dragon. | Lisboa's Hair Club for Mages (Alteration)
Range: 100 Yards Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 4 Area of Effect: 1 person Lisboa's Hair Club for Mages causes a person's hair to grow uncontrollably. This person's hair grows over his/her eyes, armpit hair and pubic hair also burst out of the target's clothing. Target can not do anything until the spell wears off or he/she gets a haircut. This spell is great for level 2 mages who are battling level 49 mages. It never misses. The component for this spell is a hair, costing no less than 200 GP. Sinc's Small Annoying NPC (Conjuration) Range: Special Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 day/level Casting time: 1 Round Area of Effect: Special Sinc's Small Annoying NPC creates a character that says very cheesy things and can only cast Magic Missile. This character is the Avatar of something-or-other and must be protected at all costs. At time of casting, the wizard targets the NPC on a person. This person then must deal with the NPC for the remainder of the spell's duration The components for this spell are a pair of unwashed Dragon's suspenders and a pinch of horsedust. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Fourth Level | Sixth Level | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Petr's Wonderful Dog Companion (Conjuration)
Range: 0 Components, V, S, M Duration: Special Casting time: 1 day Area of Effect: Special This spell creates a wonderful dog that does everything you want. The duration of the spell ends at the precise moment of the dog's death. Component for this Spell is one loyal dog. Bingo's Fearsome Fungus (Necromancy) Range: Special Components, V, S, M Duration: Special Casting time: 2 rounds Area of Effect: 1 square foot of land Bingo's Fearsome fungus allows caster to summon a disgusting black fungus. The fungus is highly destructive and will destroy any area witin the next 1D4+28 years. The most fearsome aspect of this fungus is that it says "schlorp" over and over while it eats. This is good for hindering enemies who have a particular love for their Summer home. The component for this spell is a thumbtack from the Bulletin Board of a Lich's personal secretary Sinc's Uncontrollable Farting (Alteration) Range: Touch Components, V, S Duration: 1 Round/level Casting time: 1 Area of Effect: Special This spell causes target to fart uncontrollably. By steering himself, target can fly around under his own propulsion. Mages who are farting cannot cast spells due to extreme embarassment. | SlugSight (Divination)
Range: Special Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 Round/level Casting time: 3 Area of Effect: Special This spell allows the caster to see through the eyes of any slugs in the area. If desired, the caster can "pilot" a particular slug to go in a general direction to get a better view. Caster can control any slug within 100 yards per level of caster. The material components of the spell are a piece of decayed apple pie and a piece of amber no less than 20 gp in vlaue. Wizardlock: Bathroom (Reversible) (Alteration) Range: 1000 feet/level Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 day/level Casting time: 4 Area of Effect: Bathroom Door With this spell, caster can lock any one character in the bathroom for 1 day per level of the caster. If target character does not have any reading material, he must make a saving throw vs. wand or go insane. The caster must have a piece of gold pressed toilet paper of no less than 850 gp in vlaue Wall of Lemons (Evocation) Range: 10 yards/level Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 4 Area of Effect: Special This creates an impenetrable wall of citrus fruit. Any undead creatures are driven away by the lemony-fresh scent, and larger creatures, such as dragons, stop to eat the lemons. The material component of this spell is one shaven orc. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Seventh Level | Eighth Level | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Stu's Big Soft Cushion (Conjuration)
Range: 10 feet/level Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 1 Area of Effect:Special Stu's Big Soft Cushion allows a wizard to create a cushion that will absorb the impact of a fall. The caster can save his life or the lives of other characters, if they are falling. He can also rescue precious vases and orbs from breaking upon the ground. Alternately, you can use the cusion to smother monsters to death by suffocation. The cushion does 1D10+10 Damage per level of the user. The component of this spell is a grape, which must be peeled and inscribed with complicated runes. | Anderfostenhausen's Prismatic Nose (Alteration, Conjuration)
Range: 0 Components, V, S Duration: Instantaneous Casting time: 7 Area of Effect: 70' long plane, 15' wide at end, 5' at base When this spell is cast, the wizard causes seven shimering multicolored rays of light to emit from his nostrils. These include all colors of the spectrum; each ray has a different power and purpose. Any creature with fewer than 8 Hit Dice turns into a statue of Anderfostenhausen, regardless of any other effect. Any creature within the area will be touched by one or more ray. To determine, roll 1D8. Prismatic Nose Results
Arc's illusionary Banana (Illusion) Range: 0 Components, V, S Duration: 7 days/level Casting time: 4 Area of Effect: Special Caster creates an illusion that looks like a banana. It is impossible ot tell the difference between the illusionary banana and a real one. The caster may eat the banana if he likes. Anderfostenhausen's Multiple Feet (Alteration) Range: 0 Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 6 Area of Effect:Caster By casting the spell, the wizard grows 14 additional legs and feet. When the spell is in effect, the caster has more legs than anyone within 100 feet. There are no exceptions. Those with more legs automatically lose their legs for the duration of the spell. Caster may move at three times his normal speed and dance twice as well. This spell is good for people who work in wineries The component for this spell is a letter of recommendation from a Troll,, which upon use becomes a letter of recommendation from an Ogre. Ninth Level
| Gron-Gron's Wonderful Smashing Hair (Alteration)
| Range: 0 Components, V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 4 Area of Effect:Caster When a Wizard casts this spell, his hair becomes multicolored and morphs into a huge 7 foot long sledgehammer. The wizard may use his hair to smash anything withing 4 feet of him, causing 30D10 damage to anything that is hit. The caster may also use his hair to polevault over very short walls. The caster may cast this spell on his head of any other location on his body The components for this spell are one muffler from a Buick and 10 live dancing Dwarves. Plot Stop (Alteration) Range: 0 Components, V Duration: Special Casting time:9 Area of Effect: Entire Game A wizard may cast this spell, causing the entire game to come to a standstill. Players may throw parties, visit fancy restaurants, shop for items, have sex with furniture, tend to the wounds of their sheep, join NASA, tell the future, bake brownies, turn green, encourage war, kill the DM, watch DS9, bite important diplomats or create new forms of ritualistic dance. Players may only do things on the above list. The spell increases the length of the game by 1D6 hours. Grace of the Donkey (Alteration) Range: 0 Components, V, S Duration: 1 turn/level Casting time: 6 Area of Effect:Caster The caster now moves with the grace of a common donkey. This allows him to enter any farmyard or barn in the immediate area. He also gains the ability talk to other donkeys, but only about the things the donkeys want to discuss. The component for this spell is the toe of someone who has recently written a bestselling novel. Expandable Toungue (Enchantment) Range: 0 Components, V, S Duration: 6 turns/level Casting time: 1 Area of Effect:Special The caster may allow anyone to have an expandable tongue. The target's tongue does twice the damage it normally does. Rockface (Alteration) Range: 0 Components, V, S, M Duration: 5 rounds/level Casting time: 1 Area of Effect:Caster The caster's face becomes solid stone. While the caster cannot breathe, he can now deflect arrows and bullets with his face. His face is also immune to fire, poison, lava abd Alic's Illusionary Banana. Unless the character has at least 18/50 strength, he will fall over from the great weight of his face. However, the caster can balance his face and sail across a sea of lava. The components for this spell are: some kind of flower from a swamp and a magazine from a reputible publisher about the sexual mating habits of bugbears. |